If you are receiving this letter, it means you have been designated a tenant of the cave—i.e., you are chained to the wall, you are forced to watch shadows for all eternity, you are projecting said shadow puppets, and/or you are a philosopher who was able to break free and understand the true shackles of reality (PhD candidates about to argue their thesis).

We do not undertake this lightly. As the costs of maintaining a cave meant to trap you in your ignorance increases year after year, we want you to know, from the bottom of our hearts, that we, too, are suffering. We get that times are tough, and we hope you can extend that sympathy to us, the managers of your cave.

Please rest assured that cave costs are increasing everywhere. We manage many other caves like that of Polyphemus the Cyclops and the childhood home of Zeus. So, trust us: we know caves.

We hope you will continue to enjoy living in our cave. We believe you are a valued part of the Plato's Cave community. Credit, cash, or Venmo all work.

Original Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/platos-cave-regrets-to-inform-you-it-will-be-raising-its-rent